This is not my ceiling
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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