Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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