You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
