He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we're making bets on your personal life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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