Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
