Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
