with your own penis?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
