You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
