you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
