Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
