So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
