I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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