You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
