Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
