The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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