Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
