he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
