i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she peed on how many people?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
