Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
