So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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