this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
