So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
