Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
