just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
