mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
