Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
