Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
