tell your sister to shave her snatch
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
