it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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