I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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