Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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