Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
