Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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