We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
