I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
