Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
