omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
