Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
