Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
