After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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