I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
