her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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