Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
