I wannas sexs uuuuu
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
