I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
