First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
