Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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