Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
