my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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