fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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